not celebrating my victories enough

21 May 2019

as i continue to work on this month’s lunar cycle intention of “being patient with myself as i get in right relationship with time,” i’ve had a conversation with two or three friends about an insight i think i’m developing.

i have a pattern that is similar to a few other friends: we do a LOT but when we think about what we still have to do, there is a feeling (or fear?) of not doing enough. it’s a paradox, really.

and i’ve started to think in the last week or so: maybe part of my overwork is related to the fact that i don’t celebrate or tally my victories well enough. maybe “i’m not doing enough” could become “wow! look at how much/well i’m doing. i can totally take more breaks!”

i regularly support organizations to celebrate their victories as a part of culture change. it’s a part of white supremacy to not celebrate and appreciate each other. it keeps people, even when they’re doing well, in need of that basic human desire: to be validated by one’s community. not doing it, makes people deeply unhappy. doing it can have huge impacts on how people feel and then act in a context.

so i started to think: if this is so impactful at the organizational scale and i believe in the fractal nature of reality, why wouldn’t this also be impactful at the individual scale?

now the question is: how will i incorporate this into my life? i feel like i already have solid structures so i’m not sure where to fit this… but it seems important enough to be foundational so i need/want to fit it somewhere… hmmmmmmmm! maybe i’ll just sit with it for a bit. need to go get ready for the day anyways.

ciao!

ps - i also know that a big part of my overwork is related to industrial capitalism and our racialized economy, which incentivize/require me to work extra hard to maintain/experience stability.

words / writing / post-processing
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