encouragement to show up fully when you are away

the other day, a friend and collaborator, yoojin lee, and i were talking about how hard it is to be present in convening/gathering spaces. we were particularly talking about folks we facilitate for who, without doubt, schedule other things during multi-day convenings and gatherings. i mentioned something that peter forbes and i have been saying during the better selves fellowship and she prompted me to write it out so here we are.

the better selves fellowship is a 6 night, 7 day program for BIPOC leaders and white allies to rest, reflect, and find their better selves; the selves their work and world(s) need. it is inevitable that people try to schedule work calls, interviews, etc. during the week because a week is a LONG time (for most of us) to take off. and it’s even more difficult to take that time off as a person of color who experiences the focused energy of systems of oppression on ourselves and in our communities. attending to things around us can sometimes be a matter of life and death.

and yet, we have found over and over again that the more participants can show up fully during the week, the better. they have a better experience, find more access to themselves, connect more deeply with other fellows, and really tap into what is most important for them to be paying attention to during their time on the farm.

so to support that we i have learned a couple of framings that feel helpful in getting folks to understand why their presence matters. some of these i’ve learned from peter and some have come to me over the past two years. i can’t necessarily tell the difference between them anymore so let’s just assume that any harsh things here are mine. these are some of the elements of these frames that i think about and say to folks (either to the full group or to people 1on1):

in some ways and at some times, it really isn’t possible to step away. but WAY more often than not, we think we can’t step away and put things down when we can.

so if you’re reading this on your way into a gathering, or if you’re someone who holds space for others (in long stretches of time in particular), i hope some of these thoughts support and others to show up fully and do everything you can to put down things that take you away from where you are. and, of course, when you can’t, to be in integrity with yourself* as you make decisions about what you can and can’t do while away.

phew. that was a lot more than i intended write. sometimes it just flows, ya know? ¯_(ツ)_/¯

ps - shoutout to rev. Angel for the “being in integrity with yourself” line


words / writing / post-processing
1045w / 32min / 12min