two defining factors – death and faith

as i get older, i have noticed that two significant “events” in my life have had a drastic impact on my way of being. the first is that i (clinically) died once. the second is my evolving relationship with christianity.

on death and dying

when i was 16, i was in a terrible car accident that resulted in me flatlining for 3-4 seconds on an operating table. i woke up feeling great (painkillers), but confused. over the few months of my recovery, i learned how lucky i was to have survived. coming to grips with fact that easily could have not been lucky has completely changed how i think about life. i would even go so far as to say that i’ve experienced an epigenetic change. i was already a pretty driven kid, but after that, my approach to life took on a whole new rigor. this is consistent with many other people who have near death experiences.

speaking of faith

i grew up in a christian household, mostly hated it when i was very young, fell in love with the faith and the Church when i was a little older, became disillusioned in my early adult years, and became distantly enchanted as a mid-twenties adult.

i have always believed strongly in the core values of christianity (love, mostly), but have consistently struggled with the hypocrisy evinced by mainstream american christians. this impacts how i live because i’m able to hold the core values while eschewing the institutions.

turns out, this ability is surprising (and incredibly attractive) to people. it gives me a lot of joy to love and it seems people around me appreciate it and respond well to being loved.

these two factors, having personally experienced death and holding onto christian values outside of the institution, i think make my worldview and approach pretty abnormal. i’m a fan, though.