money matters march

march is two things for me: women’s history month and money matters month (aka money matters march). last moon cycle i made a light commitment to notice my thoughts, feelings, and reactions related to money. that was in preparation for this moon cycle (march 6 thru april 4) where my intention is to be curious as i dig into my relationships with wealth and financial health.

so. as a part of that, i am committing to writing and sharing one sentence every day that i’ve noticed as a result of my curious exploration of wealth and financial health.

• 6: felt intense relief when i found out my healthcare covered an outstanding $517 bill (which was on its third notice and about to be sent to a collection agency) i had from 2018.
• 7: regret for not knowing i had a co-pay card that i could have used back in nov and saved me $380.
• 8: the idea of saving enough money to live for six months feels literally impossible.
• 9: maureen helped me see that one of my first reactions when i get paid is to spend (burn) some cash, often gifts for others or myself.
• 10: the value of wealth is in its gifting, not its hoarding or stagnation.
• 11: i have a huge amount of resistance to taking time to review my personal and business budgets monthly.
• 12: spending money on food with friends is a unique spending experience. it never feels burdensome.
• 13: committing to 20min/week on my financial systems feels like a breakthrough (thanks, maureen!)
• 14: my loan holder sold my debt to another company and i can’t figure out how to log in to the new website to check my balance. i am disproportionately angry.
• 15:
• 16: i would rather pay $100 for two float sessions (1 for me and 1 for a friend) than $75 for a float just for me.
• 17: even if i have the $ available, it feels good to schedule big payments in advance if i can.
• 18: getting paid makes me feel so excited.
• 19: business expensing purchases feels easy… maybe too easy?
• 20: paying bills, especially healthcare bills, feels so heavy.
• 21: i sometimes forget that i can use my credit card. i think that’s a good thing.
• 22: it feels great to spend money on good food and/or businesses i want to support.
• 23:
• 24: saving feels so easy when my checking accounts look full.
• 25: spending money on tech and camera gear feels very easy.
• 26:
• 27:
• 28: pay other people feels great (learning: so having $ to do that is important)
• 29: it feels very easy to spend $ for amenities while traveling, especially things to share (like a 150 count bottle of vitamin c gummies for the css advanced training)
• 30: i had no feelings aobut not spending $ today
• 31:
• april 1:
• 2: the idea that wealth is about how much i can give away started to feel really true today (with vitamin c gummies, giving olivia my amethyst)
• 3: when away in long retreat/training situations where i don’t have to spend money on food and housing, i don’t think about $ at all (because i don’t have to)
• 4:
• 5:
• 6:
• 7: this morning i rented a car to go to western mass for two days and felt great about it. the two hour train trip that the car will allow me to have feels better than the 6-8h bus trip i would have spent less money on but been more miserable about. plus the two-day trip wouldn’t have made sense with 12-16h of travel, but it does with 4h.
• 8:
• 9: offered to create abundance by paying for a dinner with a friend and he said no on moral grounds. it didn’t feel good.
• 10: it’s difficult for me to feel/receive the generosity of others (which is funny because i know how great it feels to offer generosity and, from yesterday, how it hurts to have that generosity rejected).
• 11: paying for clothes that are too expensive feels super bizarre, especially when i know i can get something equivalent for cheaper nearby… but sometimes i do it anyways because of the convenience factor…

end of experiment