deathnote #3: my black future11 Feb 2019
somehow i’ve lost my second death note, but i’m pretty sure this is number 3. i think maybe i just didn’t publish #2 but now i can’t remember why…
anyway, this is part of annual practice i have to reflect on the reality i (and you) could die at any time. and, contrary to the people who are trying to avoid that reality at all costs (literally sometimes spending millions of dollars to do so), i’m much more interested in looking death squarely in the face and shifting how i live based on what i see.
last time i wrote publicly about my own death, i published some bullets. i’ll share some of those and some news one and then some thoughts about my actual “funeral.”
- i hope that some people i crossed paths with know what it feels like to be loved because of me
- i hope that people i know, didn’t know but knew me, and the world are better because of my life, relationships, and work
- i hope to be part of bringing about new/old/hybrid ways of living that help people live lives more aligned with their true selves, people arond them, and the planet
- i want to experience increasingly long spans of liberation and fulfillment while i am alive (and to make it possible for those to get even longer for those who are coming after me)
- i want to be a part of ending patriarchy within seven generations (hopefully faster, though)
- i hope to all goodness that i die easy. i don’t want it to be drawn out and cause people around me lots of strife. i have already died once and i’ve lived a good life to date. if some crazy shit happens and i’m on the border, just let me go. imo (in my current mindstate), going through a prolonged, pain-filled hospital death is worse than going quickly. so let me go quickly, please.
ok and now some funeral thoughts:
- i don’t want any flowers at my funeral.
- why? i found out over winter break 2018 from my dad that my grandma carrie and grandma ruth both wanted no flowers at their funerals. they didn’t want people to spend a bunch of money on stuff for them after they were no longer here. keep/spend the money on things for the living.
- i want there to be dancing at my funeral. i want it to be a celebration of my life and passing the torch of work i didn’t finish to folks who still can move it forward (though, don’t be fooled: i certainly plan to be involved in moving work forward from the spirit realm(s); i just don’t know what that looks like yet. maybe it’s through writings i leave behind? who knows but my fingers are crossed for agency after this lifetime for sure…)
- i’m not sure if i want to be cremated or not but i definitely want to be buried in a way that some tree can directly access the nutrients from my body. see here and here.
that’s all for now. more next year…
words / writing / post-processing
493w / 15min / 4min