reframe: from saying no to choosing myself

i feel like i wrote about this already but i can’t find it and it’s a pretty significant breakthrough so i want to make sure i write it down and share it.

a few weeks back i had a 1on1 with nora bond. nora is a spiritual director and time management coach and all around amazing human.

the structure of our 1on1 was a dyadic encounter. (note to self, find more info about this structure. here’s one resource, but there must be more). it’s a series of prompts that we each respond to in turn and then have the other person reflect back what they heard. the exercise is both a listening and a sharing activity.

it seemed to me like 30 minutes was a very short amount of time, but what i learned about myself and nora was vast! part of me wonders how much of that was about the structure/tool and how much of that was about our individual and collective capacities to go deep, but i digress…

one thing that nora offered me has really stuck. at one point, i was talking about how much i was doing, how much i was looking forward to slowing down, and how i was continuing to step up my “no” game. what she reflected back was this:

“it sounds like you want to choose yourself more.”

and i was just stunned. idk how i hadn’t thought about it in those words before, but they rang true like a fucking big ass bell.

the reason i am continuing to practice my “no” is because i am wanting to choose myself more! i have known this at the level of implementation (making sure i don’t book too many social engagements in a week, making sure i book at least one (but ideally two) nights a week to be by myself, etc.) but i hadn’t thought about the direct link between no to other things and yes to myself.

since i’ve had this new language, i’ve been able to say yes to myself (aka say no to other stuff) with way more ease and effectiveness. telling other people i am practicing choosing myself takes the edge off the no i just said to them. because most of want to do the same. and so i think (know) me doing it opens up space and a model for them to do it, too.

ok gotta get to work, but definitely gotta say THANK YOU, NORA!

words / writing / post-processing
389w / 12min / 3min