commitment is not a rigidity that leads to breaking

commitment is not a rigidity that leads to breaking.

on monday, the men’s group that i started had it’s first of six monthly meetings. there’s a lot more to say about that, but what i want to write about today is something one person said.

near the end of the session, we broke up into pairs and discussed a question based on the topic of the evening, commitment: what does commitment mean to you and what is particular about that for you, having been socialized as a man? the short conversation we had was amazing and the one line that jonathan, my pair-mate said, that stuck with me was this:

“commitment is not a rigidity that leads to breaking.” – jonathan gramling

i won’t share his story, but what i shared about was my experience of my parents divorce. and even though my mom was the one who left (flipping the common story of the man being the one who breaks the commitment first by leaving), there appeared to be things that my dad committed to so rigidly that it lead to the breakup of the marriage. i know a consistent point of tension in my household was my dad’s commitment to his church community (first the two churches in miami, then his campus ministry at famu) at the expense of his connection to us, me and my brother at least, at home.

someone else in the room also brought up this common trip: “we would rather get lost than ask for directions.” that seems to be about being committed to our pride in a way that is particularly harmful. we’d rather get lost then ask for help.

there is so so so much to unpack in this sentence and my time is up for the morning so i’m heading to shower, but i am so excited to be a part of this group for the next six months.

ciao for now.

words / writing / post-processing
322w / 11min / 3min