relationship recovery time: retrograde shadows

i’ve heard a few folks talk about a rule of thumb to estimate the time of healing after the end of a relationship (this is mostly in the context of romantic relationship but it might also apply to friendship, family, etc.). i think the range of times i’ve heard is half the length of the relationship up to the entire length of it. meaning, if you are in relationship with someone for a year, it will take between 6 month and a year to heal from it.

since i learned this concept, i feel like my observations have pointed me in the 1 to 1 ratio direction. and actually, longer relationships have much longer recovery times.

over the past few years as my astrological capacities have deepened, i’ve started to attach a new metaphor: shadows.

when a planet goes from being retrograde to direct, the space it covers between when it stopped being retrograde and where it started going retrograde is the shadow. that’s the recovery time of a relationship.

Retrograde Shadow

and, as i’ve learned, even though the planet may be moving direct, if it’s still in its shadow, it’s not in its normal state. and i just think that’s so true in relationship. even though you may be out of the relationship, things are not as they usually are or will be once you’re out of the shadow.

one other metaphor i’ve used around this recovery time from relationship is balance.

when i am alone, balanced looks like me being upright and vertical. when i am in partnership, balanced looks like me and the other person/people leaning into each other, matching our forces to find equilibrium.

when a disconnect happens in relationship, one or all parties either fall or are just off-kilter. it takes time for each person to go from the leaned in state back to a vertical state. that time it takes to find equilibrium solo is the shadow.

ok one last thought here: the reason for these two metaphors is to find compelling ways to make the point that when relationships end, time and effort is needed to heal before jumping into the next relationship. when that time doesn’t happen, unhealed wounds and things from the previous relationship are brought into the next relationship. that’s bad for all parties involved, including the new relationship itself.

ok that’s it for now. comments, thoughts, reflections, all welcome!

ps - that 2nd metaphor needs work to not be ableist… pps - i learned after googling for an image to plug in that i probably should have been saying “post-retrograde shadow” to discuss what i mean about the recovery period… i could go back and rewrite it right now but i need to go shower so imma wait. 🤷🏾‍♂️

words / writing / post-processing
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