sabbatical reflections: fear

what work did i get to with my fear while on sabbatical?

when i think about the big picture, it was pretty beautiful work. the way it came about was utter terror, though. there were multiple nights where i would have a distant or close encounter with an animal. sometimes i could tell who it was and sometimes i couldn’t. in either case, my body would have the full on fear response. you know like when a cat arches her back and all her hair stands on end? well… it me.

this happened night after night after night.

sometimes i would go down to pee at night and do a quick sweep through the woods before i started to pee. and sometimes during my scan, i would catch 1 or 2 pairs of eyes just staring back at me. terr. if. fye. ing.

and, that was the beauty. because i had to practice with it repeatedly, i got to learn how to be with the fear and move forward anyways. like… after a night canoe across the pond in the dark, i had to walk from the beach up to my yurt. and that repeated journey gave me more direct practice with my fear/terrot than maybe i’ve ever had. and now on the other side of it, i feel like i have a new level of awareness of and capacity to move with my fear. the fear is still there.

words / writing / post-processing
237w / 12 min / 5min